41...Now What?
What Do I Do? No Idea.
What do I want? No Idea.
What Do I Think? No Idea.
What Do I Know? No Idea.
.... but is that true?
I plan on doing what I have been doing, which is creating art and collaborating as much as I can. I still want what I have always wanted, happiness. I think the same amount but now it's about different things, like inflation, bills, gas, food and jobs. But, the most important thing I KNOW is this... nothing matters except LOVE.
I drove to Long Beach for a family birthday and it was very much the same yet also very different. I was on the other side of the table helping the kids blowout the candles on my cake while realizing I am now the elder millennial. Long Beach is my heart and right now we are separated as I contemplate my longing to return.
I found a 4 week old kitten in my parking lot meowing rather loudly and when I meowed back it followed me home. She told me her name was Charlotte and we've been roommates ever since. The rent is rather lopsided in how its paid for but we're working on that. I love her but now she has ringworm and I love her even more! So now, I'm a first-time, 41 year-old cat dad ready to experience all the pstpstpstpstpst moments she brings to my life, hopefully inexpensively. She once was lost, but we found each other and it was love at first meow.
Some friends aren't here anymore but the ones that are still around are immensely important to my being. I'm in Austin on year 4, trying to create film opportunities, apply for grants, book auditions and make anything stick on the creative wall I'm constantly tossing shit at. I'm convinced and have the faith that it will, and if it doesn't... I'll aim at a new wall.
The more I learn the less I know. The more I lose the more I love what I have. The less I want the happier I become. The less I think the calmer my brain is.
What does that mean? It means Keep going and spread love.
That's all... For now...
-B